Recently I was driving to an appointment and running late. My mind was racing, my breath was shallow, my heartbeat was off the charts, and whenever I thought about it I realized that my muscles were clenched, I was leaning right up next to the steering wheel, and every cell in my body was urging the car to go faster.
At the same time, my logical brain was well aware that no matter how tense I was, how “uptight” I felt, I didn’t want to get a speeding ticket (which would have slowed me down even more). I also wanted to enter the meeting with a sense of relaxed confidence that simply wouldn’t have been possible if I stayed in that frantic, urgent state.
Stress and anxiety are characterized by speed and tension. Our thoughts, heartbeat, muscles and breathing all react to our sense of urgency, can run amok and derail any activity unless we take control.
But how do we do that?
Essentially every stress management strategy begins with our ability to slow down enough to become aware of the present moment. Once we are “here, now” we then have more access to our executive functioning and we’re able to make choices about how to calm ourselves down. Maybe it’s consciously relaxing and letting our muscles soften so that we stop feeling “uptight”. Maybe it’s taking a long, deep breath to entrain our internal rhythms to a slower pace. Maybe it’s taking a moment to really see what’s happening around us instead of being frantic with our urgent need to accomplish the next task.
Whichever strategy we use to slow ourselves down, we are helping to reduce our stress and heighten our sense of presence. Each of these strategies serve to immediately divert our attention from our anxious thoughts and bring us into the present moment.
But presence isn’t an end result, it’s a journey. Unfortunately, our mental chatter can be quite seductive and will, most likely, in very short order, return to its urgent spinning around our fear or anxiety.
So, we practice an intention to be more aware, to be able to step back from our thoughts and to return to the relative calm of the present moment. Over and over and over again… In time, we might begin to find that it’s easier to stay in the moment, easier to stay calm, and that we are much less driven by that sense of urgency.
As I was driving to my meeting, I let go of the need to be absolutely on time (although as it turned out, I was only a couple of minutes late). Whenever I noticed my interior world speed up (which happened with alarming frequency at first), I slowed my breathing, relaxed my muscles, sat back in my seat and let my mind become quiet. By the end of the half-hour drive, my heartbeat was no longer racing, my breath had deepened, my mind was clear and I was able to walk into the meeting with a relaxed sense of confidence.
This is the type of every day event that we all can relate to. In these anxious, uncertain, technology driven times, we are relentlessly besieged with a sense of urgency that can drive us to high levels of anxiety. But it’s actually in these ordinary life events that we have continuous opportunities to practice presence so that when we encounter situations where the stakes are high, we can skillfully regain our balance, equanimity and sense of well-being.
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As a Public Speaking Presence Coach, I offer one and two day small group coaching programs, private coaching and in-house trainings on how to speak and lead with confidence, authenticity and presence. Check out my website, www.riverways.com, for my calendar of events and information on my programs.
Coming to your senses: Tune in to calm down
May 1, 2010
Recently I’ve been asked to do a series of stress management programs rather than pure public speaking programs. I think this is a reflection of the level of anxiety present in our world today. Since all my speaking programs are focused on helping people find their calm center, I’ve found it easy to re-cast my material to help people manage a general level of stress.
With that in mind, I’m posting a few articles to this blog that speak to general stress management as well as speaking. Here’s one…
Spring is a perfect time to develop a sensory presence practice. Here are some simple strategies for calming down and managing your stress.
Sight: By simply stopping long enough to really see the budding trees or watch the geese flying overhead you’ll change your experience of time and in that moment you’ll find yourself calmer, more relaxed and less anxious.
Sound: Can you hear the distinct calls of the birds as they return from their winter homes? Do you know what kind of bird that is? Being curious about what’s happening in the moment takes you away from your cares and worries.
Touch: As the weather turns warm, whenever you think of it, stop long enough to feel the breezes on your skin. It doesn’t take long, just pause as you leave your house, as you get in your car, as you walk with friends.
Smell: What are your favorite smells of spring? New mulch being laid down? The warm, earthy smell of damp soil? The fresh and subtle fragrance of flower opening from the bud. Set an intention for yourself to pay attention to the smells of spring.
Taste: Take a moment to simply savor the pure sweetness of maple syrup, either by itself or on a hot stack of pancakes.
None of these take longer than a few seconds, but each serves to bring you back to the present moment.You might find that one or two senses are more compelling for you. Savor those the most.
Every moment counts.
Any moment counts!
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Are you wondering how you could savor each moment so that you are relaxed and fully present when you are communicating with others, whether it be a friend or colleague, in a meeting or in a formal presentation? If so, check out my programs and services at www.riverways.com/programs.htm. Simple presence practices like these can make all the difference in your confidence and in the way you connect with your audience and engage them with your content.
The power of a smile
April 30, 2010
Do you have an inner critic who finds fault with everything you do?
I do, and she can be especially loud when I have been less than perfect. And, it seems most everyone else has the same issue.
Yesterday I had two separate conversations with friends who each felt badly because of something they had said or done. They were both feeling a fair amount of anxiety because of this. As I listened to them I was reminded once again of how we need to find ways to quiet that inner critic and to be kind to ourselves.
We can be so hard on ourselves!
Lately, I’ve been playing with the power of smiling. I’m not talking about an overt grin, just a gentle inner smile which doesn’t even have to be visible to the outside world. I’ve found that anytime I notice that my critic is hard at work, I consciously change my expression so that I have the experience of smiling.
It’s amazing just how much that simple act can change the chemistry in my body. In that moment my mood lightens and my perspective changes. I stop taking myself so seriously and find that life is much more fun.
The inner critic is intent on demanding perfection, especially when we speak to an audience. But we are all only human. We make mistakes.
Smiling helps us celebrate our humanity. It reminds us to be gentle with ourselves, to be kind to ourselves, and to be more accepting of who we really are. When we don’t take ourselves too seriously, our audiences gravitate to our authenticity.
The simple act of smiling will make life feel much less stressful and speaking much more fun!
The yoga of public speaking
December 16, 2009
I’ve been a yoga practitioner for more than 20 years. At one time I taught yoga. I now take every opportunity I can to study with different yoga teachers from different traditions. I do so to expand my experience of myself and to extend my ability to return to a state of inner quiet while stretching myself into new physical realms.
Recently I was in a vigorous yoga class in which we were practicing a number of strenuous postures in a series of flows, never stopping to rest between flows. What I was most struck with was how quiet my mind was and how steady my focus even when attempting to do some very difficult (for me) postures. And, this seemed true for everyone else in the room. There was no huffing and puffing, no groaning, no expressions of exasperation.
In short there was no drama in the class but a clear and quiet sense of purpose and a set of inquiring minds. We all worked at whatever level was possible for us in a state of equanimity. At least, that’s how it seemed to me.
And, because equanimity feels like the optimal state of mind when we speak, I often refer back to my experiences in yoga when I coach my clients. The question is always how do we steady our thoughts, quiet our hearts and speak with clarity and purpose when engaged in something that often feels stressful, difficult, and unsettling? How do we apply these principles of equanimity discovered in a strenuous yoga practice to the highly activating experience of speaking in public?
Here are a few yoga based principles that I’ve discovered can be applied easily to the stress of public speaking that help me to steady my mind, calm my heart and communicate with clarity and purpose:
- Slow down my breathing so that my attention stays in the present moment and my thoughts (and heart) stop racing. This, then, gives me much greater access to what I know I want to say and allows me more space to make choices and decisions on how to respond to what’s happening in the moment.
- Feel my ground. Become aware of the nuances of my physical experience so that I can be more holistically present to myself, my content and my audience. Let those points of contact calm me down by feeling rooted.
- Get out of my own way. Notice when the fear arises, and return to my breathing. Attend to physical sensations rather than emotional ones.
- Stay curious not critical. I had a yoga teacher once say, “Don’t let ambition replace curiosity.” If I stay curious and open to discovery when I speak rather than trying to be perfect, I feel more alive and engaged. If I’m continuing to find fault with what I do, then I’ll amplify my anxiety.
If we approach a speaking event with the same kind and gentle attitude that we approach a vigorous yoga class, we have the opportunity, then, to speak with equanimity and clarity.
