Openings… The biggest stumbling block
December 16, 2009
“The first few moments of a presentation always terrify me.”
“I know my subject really well and know what I want to say, I just don’t know how to get started.”
“If the first few minutes go well, then I relax for the rest of the talk.”
Statements like these are almost universal. It seems that for almost everyone, how they open a talk causes a great deal of anxiety.
And, when you think of it, these first few moments are daunting. As presenters, we have to accomplish several important tasks very quickly. We have to relax, establish our credibility, engage our audience, and introduce our topic. We have to overcome whatever inertia the audience is feeling having come from some other activity and mental focus. And, we have to do all this despite whatever level of anxiety we have been experiencing building up to the presentation.
In general, jumping right into your talk is preferable to starting with what I call “fluff”; eg., “My name is…” or “Thank you for inviting me to speak…” or “I’m delighted to be here today…” None of these opening gambits will grab your audience nor will they help you relax as a speaker.
In my work with private clients, I’ve found that once we’ve thought through the opening of a talk, everything else begins to fall into place. And for each person, the opening might be different.
For some people a good opening might be to plant their feet before they begin and to feel their ground. For others, it might be to begin talking while walking up to the front of the room. For still others, standing silently to help them connect with the audience before speaking might be the perfect approach. Personal stories often help loosen up both the speaker and the audience. Humor is good for some people, but not for others.
Regardless of the approach, if you’re feeling anxious about a presentation, then what you do to open your talk should especially be designed to help you relax, and as you do so your audience will come along. The rest of the talk can then be for the audience, but the opening is for you. Openings are your opportunity to move from “arrows in” to “arrows out” and to set the tone for your “conversation” with the audience. Ironically, by taking care of yourself, you will also be more successful in engaging the audience.
The yoga of public speaking
December 16, 2009
I’ve been a yoga practitioner for more than 20 years. At one time I taught yoga. I now take every opportunity I can to study with different yoga teachers from different traditions. I do so to expand my experience of myself and to extend my ability to return to a state of inner quiet while stretching myself into new physical realms.
Recently I was in a vigorous yoga class in which we were practicing a number of strenuous postures in a series of flows, never stopping to rest between flows. What I was most struck with was how quiet my mind was and how steady my focus even when attempting to do some very difficult (for me) postures. And, this seemed true for everyone else in the room. There was no huffing and puffing, no groaning, no expressions of exasperation.
In short there was no drama in the class but a clear and quiet sense of purpose and a set of inquiring minds. We all worked at whatever level was possible for us in a state of equanimity. At least, that’s how it seemed to me.
And, because equanimity feels like the optimal state of mind when we speak, I often refer back to my experiences in yoga when I coach my clients. The question is always how do we steady our thoughts, quiet our hearts and speak with clarity and purpose when engaged in something that often feels stressful, difficult, and unsettling? How do we apply these principles of equanimity discovered in a strenuous yoga practice to the highly activating experience of speaking in public?
Here are a few yoga based principles that I’ve discovered can be applied easily to the stress of public speaking that help me to steady my mind, calm my heart and communicate with clarity and purpose:
- Slow down my breathing so that my attention stays in the present moment and my thoughts (and heart) stop racing. This, then, gives me much greater access to what I know I want to say and allows me more space to make choices and decisions on how to respond to what’s happening in the moment.
- Feel my ground. Become aware of the nuances of my physical experience so that I can be more holistically present to myself, my content and my audience. Let those points of contact calm me down by feeling rooted.
- Get out of my own way. Notice when the fear arises, and return to my breathing. Attend to physical sensations rather than emotional ones.
- Stay curious not critical. I had a yoga teacher once say, “Don’t let ambition replace curiosity.” If I stay curious and open to discovery when I speak rather than trying to be perfect, I feel more alive and engaged. If I’m continuing to find fault with what I do, then I’ll amplify my anxiety.
If we approach a speaking event with the same kind and gentle attitude that we approach a vigorous yoga class, we have the opportunity, then, to speak with equanimity and clarity.
“What do I do with my hands when I speak?”
November 7, 2009
I was having an important conversation with my daughter this week when I became very aware that I was not connecting at all with her. We were standing by a car and I couldn’t find a relaxed, comfortable position. So instead of really listening to what she was saying, I was focused on where I should put my arms and how I should stand to be comfortable. In doing so, I felt separate from her and removed from the conversation.
So often when I’m coaching people to be more comfortable when they speaking, they ask me, “what should I do with my hands?”. Interesting that this is such a universal concern! My response is that we can’t choreograph our movements ahead of time and that the most natural neutral stance is with our arms down by our side allowing natural gestures to arise in the moment, while also eliminating distracting, unconscious, repetitive movements.
But focusing on our arms and hands will increase our self-consciousness which, in turn, leads to feeling less confident. It’s really superfluous and not central to what we want to accomplish. Instead, we need to bring our attention back to our core, our center – to be conscious of self as opposed to self-conscious – and to speak from there.
So instead of thinking about what do to with your hands, try these three levels of awareness:
- Feel your feet solidly on the ground. Find your roots.
- From that grounded place bring your awareness to your belly, your core, to center yourself.
- Then become aware of your back body, your spine, as you bring your attention to your audience. This will open you up to an expanded sense of the space around you,your place in it, and the people in your audience.
As you speak, your arms and hands then become like branches in a tree. They are still when there’s no breeze and move gently when the currents of the air (or the subject matter) move them.
Fear of the first few minutes in public speaking
September 29, 2009
I swim for exercise. I swim in pools that are kept relatively cool so that lap swimmers don’t overheat when they work up a “sweat”.
This means that it’s always hard to get into the pool at the beginning of my swim. Once I’ve been in the water for even one lap, the chill wears off and the temperature feels fine, but the anticipation of diving into cold water always makes it hard.
I’ve found that I’m much better off just not thinking about the water temperature ahead of time. This is especially true as I’m getting ready to leave home on a cold and snowy winter morning because I’ll never get to the pool if I think at all about the cold water awaiting me.
Transitions are always hard. Getting into the cold water is one example. Moving from one project to the next is another. Arriving at a party is another. And, starting a presentation is classic!
Probably the most common statement I get from my public speaking clients is “If I can just get over the first few minutes I’m fine.” Most often, it’s the accumulated anxiety in anticipation of a presentation and the surge of nervous adrenalin when we first get up to speak that make those first few moments so miserable. In fact, many highly capable and talented people opt out of important speaking engagements simply because they dread those first few moments.
It helps to look at these moments from the perspective of transitions. In fact, our brains are designed to automatically become more alert when we move from the status quo, what is known and comfortable, into a new situation.
This is because it’s in those moments that the most primitive structures in the brain must determine if our survival is at stake. If danger is detected, signals get sent that trigger the fight, flight, freeze or appease response and we experience the sweaty palms, rapid heart, and racing thoughts that so often characterize the fear of public speaking. But if it seems that we are safe, there’s no threat, then essentially that primitive brain goes back to sleep and we can go on with our business without interference.
This entire sequence of events is engaged whenever we encounter a moment of transition. And, if we can simply take the process in stride, recognizing that it’s a natural part of our reaction to change, we then simply ride the waves of the anxiety without getting too attached to the feelings, knowing that it will eventually pass.
The problem for many speakers is that they mistake this heightened state of alertness for fear. And, fear begets more fear, feeding off itself, until it becomes intolerable.
To a certain extent, getting over the fear of public speaking is really about getting out of our own way and staying in the present moment.
When I get ready to go swimming I don’t focus on the temperature of the water. I do focus on how much I enjoy swimming and how good the water feels by about the third lap. Then I stay in the present moment. I just take one step at a time. I take the shower to wash off before going to the pool’s edge. I put on my bathing cap. I put on my goggles. And, then just as I put my legs in the water I jump in. I don’t linger, giving the fear its head. Instead, I just go. The first length is cold, but then I start to feel my stride (or stroke) and I’m in the flow and loving the water.
The same is true with public speaking. Instead of putting our attention on our fear and all that can go wrong, we focus on the key message we want to make and why it’s important. We then stay present with what’s happening in the moment. We say hello to people as we enter the room. We focus on the person announcing us. We feel our feet on the ground. Whenever we feel anxious, we simply take whatever next step is upon us. We don’t let the anxiety take control of us. We simply say to ourselves…. “Ah… there you are, just as I expected.” And we don’t attach to it. We don’t give it power. And, as we begin to speak, and settle into the rhythm of our interaction with the audience, the anxiety begins to diminish, eventually melting away, leaving us to fully enjoy our time in front of the group.
The “less is more” approach to public speaking
April 5, 2009
I am moving! My new home is about one quarter the size of my current home. This is a conscious choice for me as I have begun to realize that the only way we can truly impact our ever growing environmental crisis is to make a much smaller footprint on the planet. And, I have discovered in the past year that a “less is more” approach to living brings me considerable joy!
This process of packing, though, is not an easy one. As I prepare to pack each item, I have to make a decision. Does it come with me, or do I have to find a new home for it? I have many things that have been in my life for a long time. They are important to me. But are they essential? That’s the question I have to ask as I pack. And, if I bring too much stuff with me, there’ll be no space for me to enjoy myself. (There’s a great video by Annie Leonard called the Story of Stuff which is very worth watching!).
In my work as a public speaking presence coach I’ve found that my clients often confront the same issues. Most people feel like they won’t be doing their jobs as speakers if they don’t cram everything they know into their talk… if they don’t fill their time with words… if they don’t provide every single piece of useful information on a slide show.
I would say that the bulk of my work with clients is helping them discover the value of “less is more”.
We begin by discovering the value of silence, learning to be comfortable with pausing so that we can give ourselves a chance to regroup and our audience a chance to take in what we’ve said.
We then focus our attention on the core message. What is it that we want our audience to leave with? Once we have real clarity on that message, we then identify the minimal number of key points we need to speak about in order for them to fully get what we want them to take away. In this process, we often have to let go of many of our favorite stories or much of the detail that we are deeply attached to.
Finally, for those clients who use slides in their presentations, we spend a considerable amount of time eliminating the number of slides and the density of information on each slide. (I’ve written an article on the misuse of PowerPoint called Wake Me When It’s Over! which addresses many of the problems that poorly designed slides shows create.)
One of the many reasons to ruthlessly eliminate information in our slide shows is because too much information on a slide makes it very difficult for our audience to know what to focus on. Should they read the slide (thereby not listen to us) or should they listen to us (thereby not read the slides)? Most of the time, they do neither well and so don’t fully get the message.
As speakers, we need to make it easy for the audience to know where to focus their attention. So, the important question to ask is, what should appear on the slide that will truly support my message? And, we eliminate everything else (if it’s information that you think they need to have in written form, then create a separate document as a handout).
The process of sorting through everything you could say, letting go of most of it, and staying committed to what’s most essential will make it so much easier for your audience to truly hear your message. And, then you might even find that when you do this, you and your audience will truly enjoy the experience.
(Check out my photo blog, www.revealedpresence.com, where my commitment is to post a photo everyday (either from my archives or from a photo shoot of that day) that reveals the presence of whatever I have focused my camera on!)
Contemplative practices reduce anxiety
April 4, 2009
Several weeks ago, I gave a talk with Dr. Sara Lazar, neuroscientist and researcher at Mass General Hospital, a Harvard teaching hospital. Sara’s research is centered on changes in brain structures that result from meditation and yoga.
Her results are very interesting! Basically they show that regular awareness (or contemplative) practices like yoga and meditation thicken those parts of the brain that have to do with self-awareness, well-being and embodied presence and decrease the size of those parts of the brain that are most active when we feel anxious.
Now, those of us who do any of these practices on a regular basis already know this from experience. Personally, I’ve certainly recognized that after 20 years of meditating, doing yoga and practicing tai chi (another contemplative practice not currently part of Sara’s research), my general state of anxiety has significantly decreased.
This became very clear to me several years ago when I stopped my daily practices for about 3 months because of some health issues. I began to notice that a background level of agitation which had been so present when I was younger was beginning to resurface. It was only then that I realized just how much calmer I had become because of my daily contemplative practices.
A common principle that runs at the core of each of these contemplative practices is “Where we put our attention, that’s where energy flows.” If we become preoccupied with our anxious thoughts, we actually strengthen our anxiety. If, instead, we focus on our breath, the contact we make with the ground, a mantra (a calming phrase), or any other anchor for our attention, we begin to quiet the mind and become more present.
So, how can we apply this understanding to reducing the anxiety that comes from public speaking? I think there are two ways to support ourselves through contemplative practices.
First is to commit to some minimal degree of daily awareness practices. Many of my clients start out with 5 minutes a day of simple meditation (I might do another post some day on developing a meditation practice to support your public speaking). Meditating on a regular basis, even in very short increments like this, can help to calm that sense of floating anxiety that might always be there in the background.
The second is to practice what I call a relational meditation whenever you speak, whether it be at the dinner table with your family, in the check-out line at the grocery store, on a phone call, in a meeting with your colleagues, or in a formal presentation. Rather than focusing on the situational anxiety that can arise in a stressful speaking situation, we focus on our audience, asking ourselves how can we be of service to the people in our audience. In effect, we anchor our attention on the relationship and not on our anxiety. Paradoxically, this can help calm us down, steady us, and help us be more fully present in the moment and responsive to the needs of our audience.
By strengthening our self-awareness through our daily practices, and then regularly anchoring our attention on our audience when we speak , I believe we are actually making changes to the structure of our nervous system that can have a long term impact on our degree of comfort speaking in public.
Consciously slowing down can reduce anxiety
March 5, 2009
I just caught the tale end of an interview on NPR with Michael Tilson Thomas, music director for the San Francisco Symphony, talking about the audition process for the YouTube Symphony Orchestra. I tuned in to the interview just as he was talking about how musicians tend to speed up when they are nervous. My guess is that as music director an important aspect of his work is to help nervous musicians slow down.
This was so interesting to me because it reminded me that speeding up when anxious is a universal problem, not just one that speakers have. If there’s one principle I return to in every conversation I have with clients, it’s that if they simply slow down, it will make all the difference in their speaking. And, I’m not talking about speaking slowly. We can speak quickly but still have an internal awareness that is slow and easy.
It seems that when we deliberately decide to slow down and take our time, we actually send a signal to our nervous system that there’s no need to feel anxious. Which, in turn, helps the nervous system calm down, and we begin to have a sense of internal quiet and clarity.
On my 45 minute DVD, The Seven Crown Jewels of Public Speaking Presence, there’s a five minute talk on slowing down and how important it is for a speaker. Here’s the clip:
Space… The final frontier!
March 2, 2009
Last summer I received an email in response to one I had sent out. Something weird happened in the transmission. All the space between words had been stripped away and the email I received looked something like this:
LastsummerIreceivedanemailinresponsetooneIhadsentout.
Somethingweirdhappenedinthetransmission.Allthespace
betweenwordshadbeenstrippedawayandtheemailI
receivedlookedsomethinglikethis:
While I eventually was able to figure out what it said, it was hard work!!! My mind had to parse each word (and each paragraph) so that I could distinguish one word from another (and one thought from the other). It probably took me 5 times longer to understand what was being said than if the spaces had been included.
We all understand this and take for granted that when we write, we add the space between each word and an even larger space between one paragraph and another. But when we speak, particularly when we’re anxious, we completely forget that adding a little space (pausing) between thoughts and ideas helps the listener integrate what’s being said.
Anxiety causes all our rhythms to race: our heart beats faster, our breath becomes shallow and rapid, our thoughts are racing, our eyes jump from one thing to another without really focusing, and we begin to speak very fast.
And, when this happens during a talk, our audience simply can’t keep up with what we’re saying. There’s too much information coming at them at one time. If we jump from one point to another without pausing, the audience has to work too hard to hold on to what we’ve said and they get only some very small percentage of our message.
Pausing is the equivalent of the space between words and paragraphs. How can you slow yourself down and pause frequently to make it easier for your audience understand your whole message?
Paying attention
February 25, 2009
I was in yoga class this morning doing a posture in which I was paying most attention to the position of my upper body. While in the posture, I suddenly became aware that I had no sense of what my left leg as doing… it was just hanging there without any awareness on my part (it had no presence in my consciousness). Once I tuned into my left foot, in particular, while also paying attention to what my upper body was doing, the posture felt more integrated and I felt more present.
I find that when I speak, I can get so focused on what I have to say or how the audience is responding that I lose myself – some people describe this as having an “out of body” experience. I find that by simply paying attention to the contact my feet are making with the floor, I can then re-occupy myself and be much more present to myself, what’s happening in the room, how my audience is responding and the message I want to convey.
Find the haven of your back body…
February 7, 2009
The ability to step back, not get caught up in the fray, see the forest for the trees, is key for leaders in all capacities. When the chaos of an emergent crisis grabs everyone’s attention, it is so easy to jump in with both feet. All our attention gets pulled to the details of the events at hand, and with that, we so easily get pulled out of ourselves. This is especially true when we are making an important presentation. And, in fact, this particular skill is essential for all of us today given the current economic uncertainties that can so easily throw us off balance.
Ideally, it would be optimal if, in the midst of a crisis we could say “Time out!” and then physically step back from the situation to get a “10,000 foot view”. Most of the time we’re so caught up in what’s happening and don’t even remember that this might be a good strategy. But even when we’re aware enough to realize that this is something we ought to do, we don’t always have the luxury to do so – the timing might be wrong, someone might feel slighted, or the issue is too urgent and you need an answer NOW.
This morning my yoga teacher Judy Scribner-Moore, a wonderful yoga teacher in the Boston area, said, “Find the haven of the back body” as we were entering into a difficult posture. This got me thinking (maybe not what I should have been doing in yoga, but there you go…)! What if when we are confronted with all the difficulties that life presents us that take us off balance, what if in those moments, we simply pay attention to our spine, to what our backs are in contact with, to the space behind us? Wouldn’t that provide us with same psychological haven as physically stepping back? And, we could do it so easily without anyone even knowing!
I have often suggested to my speaking clients to include in their awareness the space behind them as they speak, and for some people this has been the key to diminishing their fear and anxiety around speaking to a group. But it occurred to me today that simply changing our awareness to focus on our spine, our back body and the space behind us could also provide a moment of respite (a haven, if you will) and a new perspective in difficult leadership situations as well as in life itself!
